Thoughts for the day

Due to some controversial blogging in the past, I've done my best to refrain from posting any personal opinions or thoughts, I've thought it best. However today I feel it necessary to share some thoughts of my own, I don't think any one will take offense...well who really knows, but I'll do my best :)
As Lexi gets closer to her second birthday, I find myself recollecting over the past two years. Truth be told, Lexi totally flipped my world upside down. She was a planned baby, and I thought I was prepared...but I don't think there really is a way to plan for what having your first child will really be like.
I have been a pretty busy girl most of my life, working at least part and sometimes full time all the way through high school and college. Then when I graduated, I worked 2 jobs literally up until the day I had Lexi. I was a work that afternoon, and delivering the baby that night. Lexi came 5 weeks early at mere 5lbs, 9 oz...and dropped quickly down the 4 lbs 16oz. The doctor told us we had to feed her every 2 hours, 8pm, 10pm, 12am, 2am, 4am...etc. This would be grueling enough if she was a quick eater, which of course she was not. It took an average of a 1/2 hr to get her to eat because she kept falling asleep, so we'd wipe wet cloths on her face, or strip her clothes off...all sorts of tricks. There is no way I could have made it through those first few weeks without much help from my mom, mother-in-law, and best friend Cara who came and spent a week with me as well.
But as all hard times do, the time passed and Lexi got bigger, smarter, and low and behold, she's almost two now :) After I regained my strength in the 3rd or 4th month, I realized how much time I had on my hands. Lexi was still sleeping a lot, and although I still felt overwhelmed with the responsibility of having my own child, I started to feel a little bit useless all day at home with a sleeping baby. I really missed working, I missed grown up people, I missed the satisfaction of bringing home a pay check. Maybe it stems from spending my younger years with a single mom, but I really missed feeling like I could take care of myself financially. So, I talked to my husband about going back to work part time, being the good husband he is, he said sure! So I found a flexible pt job that started late afternoon and into the evening a couple times a week. In the beginning I dropped Lexi off with a sitter in time for her afternoon nap, and then Matt would pick her up a little later. Now it works out for me to drop her off at work with him and he takes her from there. Some of you are going to think I'm justifying myself here, but I can't tell you how good it has been for Lexi. She has learned from a young age that mom does not have to be there 100% of the time, she has learned how to trust that mom or dad will be back soon to pick her up, she has learned to nap just about anywhere, and go down easy with just her blanket, and most of all she has bonded with her dad in a way that I don't see with hardly any other kids. Lexi LOVES her dad, he takes her to the park, the zoo, the aquarium, the mall....just about anywhere. They play, they hang out, and then he fixes her dinner, gets her a bath, and gets her in bed on time. It has been so awesome to see the two of them enjoy their time together, and to see Matt rise to the occasion and be the best dad I have ever met (I'm biased, sorry ladies!). So although there is lots of hate for the 'working mom' in our Mormon culture, I have absolutely NO regrets and I think Lexi is a better kid for it, Matt is a better dad for it, and I'm a better mom for it.
Alas, I have digressed, I started this blog with a specific thought in mind and have gone off on tangent. My initial thought came from a visit to the hospital last week. My good friend Natalie had a beautiful baby boy and I stopped by after work for a quick visit. Ever since Lexi was born, when I see a new born baby, my honest gut reaction is 'oh man, I just can't do that new-born thing again!' I know, I know, I'm a bad person, but this time when I went to see Natalie's little one, I honestly felt like I am ready. I could do a new baby again, and I feel like I could even handle Lexi and a new one, which is like a super epiphany for me. And beyond that, I want a new baby, it has been such a wonderful time, just the three of us, but I'm ready for a number four. So you might be laughing at me, or think I'm crazy, or a bad person, but those are my thoughts for this week. I would have posted it sooner, but I wanted to see if those feelings would stick around, and they have :) Problem is, just cause I decide all this stuff in my head doesn't mean I walk away with a baby tomorrow, these things take time, sometimes lots of time, so we'll just have to see how life pans out for us!